A childhood memoir of life before polio, and immediately after, and my magical childhood adventures in and out of a wheelchair
Characters
Charlie Mount
There was this old man that we used to call Brickdust. He was so flatfooted that he used to shuffle when he walked. He wore a flat cap and his trousers were up around his ankles. You had to be kids to be so cruel and thoughtless, devoid of conscience. As we came within earshot we'd call out "BRICKDUST"!. This made him so mad he almost jumped off the ground with rage. Then we would escape down the alley, calling out again "BRICKDUST!" as we went. We were merciless. But we soon tired of the game… maybe his anger got to us after all.
There was this lady SO thin that we heard a rumour that she lived on lemons and vinegar. We only stared at her thinness.
I was fascinated with the lady tramp we nicknamed Tea Cosy Head. She always wore a kind of tea cosy on her head and lots of things that she wrapped in newspaper. We never found out what they were, what was in those parcels. The fascination has stayed with me to this day. I always wrap my Christmas presents in newspaper! No, really. I do.
Then there was the road mender who worked for the Herne Bay Council. During the war a bullet pierced his nose and every time that he bent over to dig you could see daylight through the hole. We didn't take the mickey out of him, but we did an awful lot of sideways staring. How did he build up enough steam to blow his nose? No one knew. "And wouldn't snot have escaped through that hole?"
Morecambe and Wise got it exactly right. There was a newspaper seller along the seafront who worked for REYNOLDS the newsagents run by Aunty Mary and Uncle Fred Reynolds, and he did used to call out:"Aree Noos or Annid! Aree Noos or Annid!" It was years later that I realised that what he actually called out was "STAR NEWS OR STANDARD!"
Charley Mount, with his thick, navy blue jerkin, peaked hat, wellies and a gold earring, looked every inch the seaman. He used to sit on a box or barrel and mend or make fishing nets. I never knew which. The punters thought that he was the `real thing`: an old salt that could tell a tale or three about the sea. I don't know whether he actually did but he always came up with, in his salty Kentish accent: "D'you know what they do in Herne Bay when it rains?" "No Charley, what do they do?" "They let it rain!" He convulsed with laughter. "Do you know Ginger Burns?" "No Charley, never heard of him." "Well, it does!" A coughing fit followed the laughter. He always told the same feeble gags, and we loved him for it. But Charley Mount kept a secret from us kids. He was going blind!
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